“A San Francisco cable car holds 60 people. This blog was viewed about 1,300 times in 2015. If it were a cable car, it would take about 22 trips to carry that many people.”
Reading the above assessment of my 2015 blog traffic report felt like winning “Most Improved” at your high school varsity golf team banquet… pitiful (and I should know I won that very award and they lost my trophy in the mail).
For some reason I thought I would be able to change the world with my words nearly over night with my blog and YouTube vlog…but alas the year came and went unwavering in its opposition to my success.
The beginning of my 30th year was prefaced by:
-Extreme fatigue and the totaling of a parked truck and my already failing automobile.
-An invisible video blog that everyone said was inspiring but never watched (I know because Google Analytics never lies).
-Being sued for joint custody of my then 3 year old daughter by her biological donor because I finally broke down and filed for child support.
-Living with someone who criticizes my every move and insults my character on a deeply personal level consistently, but who happens to be fighting cancer so I can’t say shit.
-Still being broke…as fuck as the whole the world erupts in chaos and i just want run away and live in a cabin in the woods…
You know the normal stuff people deal with while ushering in their 3rd decade of life.
I thought that, circumstances being what they are, I should have no problem coming up with content to write about…problem was too much content, not enough time and evil ass perfection paralysis.
I have over 180 “draft” posts sitting half finished waiting for me to fluff them up and press “publish”… but I hesitate…WTF is wrong with me?
I’m exhausted that’s what.
I’m just fucking tired.
I’m tired of working on average 52 hours a week and only bringing home $523 because I don’t earn a living wage.
I’m fucking fed up with having no time to myself and feeling like a shitty mom for wanting to take a shit in the bathroom alone.
All I want to do is garden, talk shit about politics and pop culture, quilt, cook, raise some animals, and be the type of mom that raises a kid who benefits man kind…Is that too much to ask?
Blog, why can’t you magically attract more readers?
I know I’m not the only radicalized hippie out here.
Where y’all at?
Damn, this turned into a journal entry quicker than it should have ….smh. Sheesh; but I suppose that’s OK as long as I keep writing. As long as I keep writing, I keep expressing myself and in doing so I create small ripples…ripples can become waves and waves have the power to erode mountains.
Don’t count me out just yet folks.
I’m still here.