Feel free to copy and paste

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Elon,

I recently read about your demand that all federal employees report what they did last week. I assume this was either an accidental self-parody of authoritarian overreach or just another billionaire’s tantrum dressed up as governance. Either way, let me remind you:

You are not a government official—no law, executive order, or delusion grants DOGE (or you personally) the authority to demand such reporting.

The Hatch Act, Whistleblower Protections, and basic constitutional separation of powers still exist. Your personal vision of a corporate-run technocracy does not override actual law.

If accountability is your goal, why don’t you start? Maybe begin with an itemized breakdown of how many Schedule 1 drugs you’ve taken—drugs that the average American will soon be unable to access thanks to your administration’s gutting of healthcare and pharmaceutical programs.


Since you’re in the mood for transparency, here are some other questions that should be at the top of your inbox:

1. Did you ever respond to your baby momma’s desperate attempts to get in touch about your young child’s medical emergency? Or does ignoring your own kids count as “government efficiency” now? Way to leave a four year old to fend for themselves on the stage BTW.


2. Given your past tweets about freedom and personal choice, how do you justify cutting millions off from basic medications while you enjoy whatever pharmaceutical cocktail keeps your all-nighters and mood swings intact?


3. Can you clarify whether DOGE stands for Department of Government Efficiency or “Dismantling Oversight, Grifting Everything”?

If you need help writing your own weekly report, I’d be happy to draft something:

Monday: Dismantled federal services for everyday Americans.

Tuesday: Pushed shady crypto ventures.

Wednesday: Ignored your children.

Thursday: Destroyed another agency that actually helps people.

Friday: Got high and tweeted about it.


Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have actual work to do—unlike DOGE, which seems to exist solely to satisfy your control fantasies.

Looking forward to your evasive non-response!

Best regards,
A Concerned American

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